It is a beautiful day today! Not just a beautiful day because it is sunny and warm, but beautiful because sunny and warm doesn’t always happen in October in Minnesota. I mean record-breaking warm and breathtakingly beautiful. I didn’t have plans for this afternoon so I decided to go to one of my favorite places, Frontenac State Park. It is situated up on a high bluff overlooking the Mississippi River and the bluffs on either side of the river. What an awe-inspiring place it is. I hike up there as much as I can and love to do my writing and reading up there when time allows. I knew I would be in for some gorgeous scenery today since this area of Minnesota is so beautiful this time of year. I enjoy this part of fall; the part where there are still signs of life and the death-grip of winter isn’t showing any signs of coming.

The trail I hiked was too beautiful for words. When I started my walk I talked with my God and didn’t even have to ask for a ‘kiss’ because I knew He had one for me today. I just prayed that I wouldn’t miss it – and I didn’t. The cranberry red of the sumac leaves against the watered-downed yellow of the goldenrod was like a sweet peck on my cheek. The flutter of buttercup yellow butterflies playing tag and the effortless soaring of the many hawks overhead was like a warm hug. The unexpected arrival of a fat wooly caterpillar with thick black and brown stripes across my path was a reminder that even things of beauty are found under our feet. The colors of the woodpeckers was like candy for my eyes and the sounds of the crickets was like sweet music to my ears. I could barely take in all of God’s beauty at one time. I had to continually wipe the tears from my damp cheeks as the soft wind blew the leaves down from the trees around me like a veil. And just when I thought God was done romancing me He sent something to make my heart stampede. Very unexpectedly I passed by a pheasant right next to the trail. I heard the heavy rustle of the brush before I felt his wings. In a second he was in flight but not before I felt the wind of his wings ruffle my hair and the power of his flight reverberate in my heart! Wow! Talk about a big kiss, smack dab in my heart. Just for me He made this day. Just for me He sent His creation to romance me. Just for me He moved heaven and earth to remind me that He sees me.

You might think that is pretty pompous to say, as if little old me holds any value in the context of the universe. But, I do! He loves me so much He sent His son to die for me when I certainly didn’t deserve it. He shouts to us through His creation to remind us He is all around us, concerned at the course of human events. Luke 12:7 says, “Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

I dare you, no double-dog dare you, to ask God for a ‘kiss’ today! It may not be in the way I described because God knows how to romance me. You are different and maybe love and romance are not the same for you as they are for me. I know one thing for certain though, God knows what speaks to your heart and He is just waiting for you to ask Him to show you a glimpse of His love.

Mara Beth

Audrey had a red shirt with white flowers on it and blue overalls. She had auburn hair and blue eyes and a perfect smattering of freckles. I remember one time when I was around 4 or 5 that I put an Andes mint in the pocket of her overalls. I was saving that mint for later, but I left Audrey in the car and the mint melted all over her overalls. She had a perpetual brown stain on that pocket. No matter what other doll I received, Audrey was always my favorite. Many years ago I lost Audrey. It was so long ago that I can’t remember if I left her somewhere, she got thrown away or I gave her to another girl who would love her. Every once in a while I think about that doll and wish that I had kept her.

Today my son and I walked 2 blocks down our street to a house with a big sign that read, “HUGE SALE”. Well, my interpretation of a huge sale must have been different from theirs because, well, it wasn’t huge. It didn’t look like there was much of anything there that was worth bringing home. They had a big table that was full of dolls, some in good shape and some in pretty rough shape. I was just about to leave when a bright red shirt and auburn hair caught the corner of my eye. Could it be? As if in a dream I turned and reached out my hand to pick up the one doll that caught my eye. I picked her up and there she was; red shirt, blue overalls, auburn hair, blue eyes and that perfect smattering of freckles. It was Audrey! Her hair was a mess and someone had drawn a little on her face but to me, she was perfect. I happily laid down my $1.00 bill and held her as close as I could without looking like I was a little off my rocker. I told my son about my memory of my Audrey and that I would have paid $20.00 for that doll.

We walked home and I brushed her hair and cleaned up her face. She now has a new home, on my bookshelf. I can look at her anytime I want and hold her anytime I feel sad. I nearly cried when I got her looking back to her usual state. That seems pretty strange that the sight of her would evoke such powerful memories.

I wonder if God ever feels that way about us. Not that he ever ‘loses’ us or the memory of our lives fade in his mind. But, maybe we used to take God with us everywhere, holding His hand and letting him have His way with our lives. Then we lose ourselves in work, our house, kids, commitments and just the busyness of life. We finally find our way back to Him but we’re a little dirty and a little worse for the wear. He cleans us up and sets us back on our feet.

I hope I never lose this new Audrey ever again. And, if you have ‘lost’ God, I pray that you let yourself be ‘found’ and are never lost again.

Mara Beth

Now, if you know me, you know that I like to do things systematically and ‘in groups’.  So, of course my next course of action was to get the other two books that go along with that one.  I ordered both, “Run, Baby, Run” by Nicky Cruz, and “Second Chances: The Israel Narveaz Story”.  Today, being my day off, I watched the movie, “The Cross and the Switchblade”.  I thought I had seen it before but I guess I hadn’t.  It was hard to watch at times just because it was made so long ago and the campy 70′s music and action sequences are pretty distracting.  But, all-in-all, it’s a great movie.  Ironically, once I finished the movie this morning, my first book arrived.  So, the rest of the morning I have been reading Nicky Cruz’s book.  Wow!  I can barely put it down.  I know they made a movie from that book and I plan on watching it after I finish the book.

Sometimes it’s frustrating that I get obsessive about something.  If there’s a movie based on a book, then I have to read the book AND watch the movie.  Hardly ever have I enjoyed a movie as much as I have enjoyed a book though.  I prefer the theater in my mind over the one I see with my eyes.   If there’s more than one book in a series, or on a theme then I have to read them all before I can move onto something else.  When I find an author I like, I devour their books like they were the finest of chocolates.  So, I’m in the middle of my gang-filled, violence-charged, Holy Spirit-saving adventure. 

My Pastor is also fond of David Wilkerson so we were discussing the books/movies last week in his office.  Out of the blue he says, “You know David Wilkerson died just a few weeks ago”.  No, I didn’t know.  Tears actually filled my eyes for a man I had never met.  Apparently, he was involved in a freak car accident and while his wife was only injured, he died.  I was torn between being so happy that he now was with his Savior, and sad that his work here on Earth was done.  This man has single-handedly done more for the drug addicts and gang members in his lifetime that anyone else I have ever heard of.  He founded Teen Challenge, among other organizations.  Two of the toughest men he brought the Christ (Nicky and Israel) have gone on to do incredible things with Christ in their lives as well.

What an incredible testimony.  What an incredible life.  What an incredible witness.  I encourage you to read up on Mr. Wilkerson and those he helped.  While some of the details are graphic (they are violent street gangs, after all) it is a true testament to what the power of God can do for ANYONE!

Mara Beth

I love this time of year.  No, I don’t love the mud or the occasional snowstorm, but I love the promise of spring.  I love that the whiteness of winter, the deadness of winter and the coldness of winter are in the rearview mirror.  I love that the flowers, jacket-less days, picnics and open windows are around the bend even if I can’t see them yet.  I revel in the promise that spring is coming, no matter what winter held, spring will always come.  I love the songbirds return.  I love the thunderstorms and the sound, sight and smell of rain.  I love the warm sun that forces Old Man Winter to lose his grasp on the earth.  On Sunday the calendar said, “First Day of Spring”, and while it was cold and rainy, I couldn’t help but have a goofy grin on my face all day long. 

It’s not just the earthly springtime I love, but my ‘spiritual springtime’.  You see, for many years I lived in winter.  I was dead, cold, without color and depressed.  Every day was the same, and there seemed no hope for change.  But, one day, that Spring wind blew and Old Man Winter lost his grasp on my life, my heart, my mind, my spirit and my body.  My God came and put springtime in my heart.  I’ve had days where winter has come to visit, but he no longer stays.  So, every spring I remember how my Heavenly Father came and brought to life something that had been dead for a long time.  This time of year is so special to me because it reminds me of my rebirth.  It reminds me of the life, warmth, song and joy that returned after a long period of nothing.  I am so grateful that God intervened and said, “Enough of winter, time for spring!”. 

I have to tell you too that this spring has been extra special.  When I had my Raynaud’s Phenomena, the change of seasons was always the worst.  A day like Sunday, cold and damp, would have made the pain in my hands unbearable for days with no sign of relief.  This spring, since being healed,  I have not had any pain AT ALL!  It just reminds me that not only did God’s healing occur in my emotional, mental and spiritual state, but in the physical as well.

Oh, God, how I love thee!  Thank you for the winter in my life as it made me appreciate the spring.  Thank you for the season of hopelessness and it made me appreciate that you are a hope-giving God.  I can not count the ways in which I love You and could thank You, but I look forward to spending eternity trying.

Mara Beth

I don’t remember a lot about my hospital stay.  It wasn’t a very good birth experience and later I was diagnosed with PTSD from that event (yeah, it was that bad).  So, to see the footage of me in the hospital was pretty surreal.  I didn’t look very good, that’s for sure; but my daughter, well, she was beautiful.  It’s hard to remember her being so tiny – and quiet!   It was fun to see her grow-up on camera.  And then, my little Chico Bambino, a.k.a. Caleb, came along.  He was just as cute and literally just as tiny (they both had EXACT measurements/weight).  To watch them interact with each other as young siblings was so cute.  They were truly the best of friends.

A few of my favorite memories were watching Caleb drive our little Barbie Jeep (one of those 2-person motorized vehicles) over flowers while Geneva is sitting in the passenger seat screaming.  Or, Caleb playing football outside by himself (he won, well his team Ohio State won).  Then there was Geneva’s 4th birthday party where she is just too adorable for her ‘Cinderella party’.  Or her attempt at 3 years old to be a ballerina, following moves from a DVD Tim had rented for her.  I think my favorite videos are of Tim and the kids.  One in particular is a very nerve-racking video of them playing a game they invented – WRESTLE BALL!  I can’t believe I filmed it as long as I did and didn’t step in to stop the action before someone inevitably got hurt. 

We haven’t watched all of the videos yet, but I plan to.  It’s fun to dust off the old memories.  I miss my little kids, but I wouldn’t want to go back to bottles and diapers and all that stuff either. 

I had another weird memory jolt today too.  I was at the library picking up a book and an older lady came and stood next to me.  I smelled her perfume right away and it smelled EXACTLY like my Grandma!  My Grandma Neva has been gone nearly 18 years now, but it’s funny how you never forget a scent.  Immediately I wanted to hug her and bury my head in the crook of her neck, soaking up the smell.  Of course I didn’t as I didn’t feel like being arrested today.  I choked back tears and years of memories that washed over me in record time.  It’s what I would picture ‘your life flashing before your eyes’ fast.  What I wouldn’t give to hug my Grandmother one more time, or look through her jewelry box, or sit at her kitchen table (always made for breakfast the night before), or stare for hours at her china cabinet (which I now own, but it’s full of my own things now and a few pieces of her china), or rock in her rocking chair, or sleep in her bed, or watch her paint or just listen to her tell stories of her growing up years.

Memories are pretty powerful things.  They can change your mood instantaneously.  They can make your heart skip, your face shine and your heart beat faster.  It’s good to remember all the good things gone by, and anticipate all the good things to come.

Mara Beth

I have only been in the hospital to give birth to my kids and I got to take home a pretty sweet gift after those visits.  Not so this time!  It was a long 24 hours with not much rest.  The IV was really bugging me since I have very (VERY!) small veins and they had to insert it into the crook of my arm.  I couldn’t move my arm without pain and so everything was difficult (especially trying to eat with my left hand).  After 24 hours, and still no stone, I was released with the apparatus needed to catch the stone.  What a hassle!  Now to  live life as normal as possible, with childbirth-like pain at the most inconvenient times AND my constant bathroom companion. (For those of you who have had a kidney stone, you know what I’m talking about!) 

So, the next two weeks consisted of ‘drinking as much as I can and then a little more’ (per Doc’s instructions) and managing my pain.  I can’t tell you how many people were praying for me this entire time.  Not a day didn’t go by that I wasn’t prayed for by a whole slew of people.  I appreciated their prayers so very much.  Well, it looked like surgery was going to be my option.  On February 17th I was meeting with the urologist one last time to figure out when we could finally take care of this stone.  The night before that appointment, the pain was really bad and I felt like I just couldn’t take even one more day of this.  The next morning, my appointment day, I felt pretty good.  I went in for my follow-up CT scan to see where the stone was. (Note to self: when needing to wear a hospital gown, DO NOT dress in knee-high pink argyle socks and combat boots!)  Well, the stone was gone!  Just gone!  I don’t believe that I ever passed it!  I have no idea what happened – did it dissolve, disintegrate or was this Divine?

I can’t verify that this was a divine healing.  I KNOW that God can do that – just look back a few posts and you will find a verifiable healing in my life.  I do know, however, that God was merciful enough to spare me a date with a surgeon.  He was merciful enough to take my pain away.  Later that day, we were headed up to St. Paul to go to a concert at the Ordway, spend the night downtown in a hotel and take the kids to the Mall of America on Friday.  That would have been a miserable trip had I not gotten rid of that stone.  I know God’s hand was on me even before this stone came.  I don’t know why it came or why it went, but I’m just glad it went.  Now my odds ar 50% that I will get another stone.  I know God will take me through that if that’s to be, or He may spare me.  Either way, I’m OK because no matter what happens, as long as God is in control, I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

Mara Beth

(Before you read further, if you haven’t already checked out the “Year in Review” post, you may want to for clarification.)

I decided that this would be a great time to go out in the snow with the kids and make my first ever snow angel since I was a kid.  As  you will remember, I had been diagnosed with Reynaud’s Phenomena when I was 19 and so I have never had a chance to be outside in the winter and enjoy time with the kids.  However, since being healed of Reynaud’s this fall, I can now do those things.  So, I went out and frolicked in the snow with my lovely children. 

My husband took a video of the event and I wanted to share it with you.  The link is at the bottom of this post and it is the video entitled, “My Snow Angel”.I know this is a pretty silly video, but to realize the significance of it is pretty awesome.  As I layed in the snow, with my children around me I looked up into the white sky and said, “Thank you, God”.  It was a time I will never forget.  The glory is all His.  I am thankful (yes, me thankful) for this snowstorm in that He proved Himself a loving Father by allowing me to enjoy it with my children.

Mara Beth

www.youtube.com/user/TheCruelShoes

Every year in January I make a mental list of how I want the next year to go.  Well, the best laid plans…you know the rest.  This past year has certainly not gone as I had planned, and you know what – I’m ok with that.  So, for all of you who are breathless with anticipation on how this past year went for me and my family, read on!

The Kids:  This year we took the kids on their first vacation to Wisconsin Dells.  They had so much fun.  We did the indoor water park thing, raced go-karts, played miniature golf, ate a lot of great food, spent way too much in the resort arcade (I almost wrote ‘resort casino’ and then realized that’s pretty much what it is.  Spend your money in hopes you get enough ‘tokens’ to get a way cool prize).  The kids enjoyed the arcade and the wave pool the most.  They also liked the ride called, The Hurricane, which is not something I’ll be doing EVER again! 

We also had our annual trip up to the cabin in Outing, MN where Caleb won 3rd place in a frog jumping contest and both kids caught enough fish for supper.  Geneva and I found a new store in Nisswa and had ‘glitter makeovers’ which are really more fun than they sound. 

Both of the kids got baptized in Lake Pepin on a gloriously hot and sunny August day.  I was so proud of them.

Both kids went out for football this fall and luckily no one got hurt.  I know it’s just flag football but, come on, some of those kids tackle anyway.  (My son being one of them.)  They got to play on the ‘big field’ during the high school football game at the end of the season.

Geneva started playing clarinet this year and is taking after her mother.  She is doing very well and is quite a natural.

Tim:  Not much has changed with Tim this year. (Except maybe a few more gray hairs – hee hee.)  He has been working awfully hard at work this year.  He is still bowling every Thursday.  He is also head of the video ministry at our church along with serving on the church board – both of which keep him very busy.  He taught our church’s 5th and 6th graders on Wednesday night through the fall but has now resigned that position as his work schedule isn’t always accommodating to that.  He has been conducting science experiments with the kids and trying to get Caleb’s interest in robotics moving along.  (I’m all for that, especially if they can invent a dishwashing or laundry robot!)  In a few weeks we will be celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary and I am more in love with Tim today than I was 18 years ago. 

Me:  Let’s just say this year took a turn I didn’t expect.  I finished my 2nd book, “The Remnant” in record time, which was a great accomplishment.  Then, on one fateful day in June I was encouraged to go back to school.  So, in September I started taking online courses through Berean School of the Bible to get my ministerial credentials through the Assembly of God churches.  I am currently on my 2nd trimester and looking to be completely finished in a matter of months. 

On a lighter note, I taught myself how to crochet and have been in a knitting/crocheting frenzy every since. 

For 19 years I have suffered from a condition called Reynaud’s Phenomena.  (It’s a circulatory issue – no cure – painful and annoying…)  It has been getting worse every year, until about 2 months ago.  My dear friend, Bonnie, prayed for me one Sunday and since then I have not had any issue with Reynaud’s!  It was truly a miracle.  Tim has never known me to have warm hands and now mine are warmer than his most days, even on the coldest of days.  Finally this year I can play outside in the snow with my kids, build a snowman and go sledding with them for the first time.  They have never had a mom who could be outside in the winter – until this year. 

We adopted an Italian Greyhound from a rescue shelter.  He has brought so much joy to our home.  He has such a personality and has wormed his way into our hearts. (You can read all about him in my early posts entitled, “Lessons from Enzo”.)

It’s been quite a year and we still have nearly 4 weeks left!  I am so grateful for all of my wonderful friends and family.  I am indebted to my Savior for rescuing me and making me worthy to do His work.

Merry Christmas, my friends.

Mara Beth

God truly blessed me with an amazing husband.  He has been so supportive of me as I have been a stay-at-home mom for years, and then a working mom and now a ‘going-back-to-school while still working mom’.  He’s my biggest cheerleader and my anchor in the storms of life.  (That sounds so cliché, but he truly is – he sets my feet firmly back on the ground when I need it.)  He makes it easy to be a wife, I hope that I make it easy for him to be a husband.  While we have had our up’s and down’s, as every marriage does, I can truly say that we have had MANY more up’s than down’s.  I have had multiple health issues through all the years that he has known me and I know that I am not always the easiest person to live with, but somehow he puts up with all that and at the end of the day, he loves me.

I am so glad that God picked me to be his ‘helper suitable’.  I am so glad that God instituted marriage for life.  I am so glad that God blessed us with two great children and I get to watch Tim be such a great father.  I am honored to have given Tim half of my life and am so very grateful that he still wants more.   God is good.

Mara Beth

This year is a little different though.  I started school two weeks ago and so, as the kids have gone back to school, so have I.  They have their homework, and I have mine.  And, let me tell ya, it’s a lot of homework.  I am trying to do 12 credits all while being a mom and a wife, working 2 jobs, making most of the Christmas gifts this year, taking care of a needy dog and teaching a Wednesday night adult Bible study class.  That’s quite the list.  Plus, I decided to start something else new this year.  I decided that I didn’t really like the idea of my kids going off to school with nothing but cold cereal in their bellies.  (I’ve tried to buy the ‘healthy’ cereal but a certain somebody makes me buy the sweetened stuff!)  So, I am getting up a half hour earlier and making them a nice, hot and healthy breakfast. 

Unfortunately, I’ve had to take a break from what I call ‘recreation reading’.  That is perhaps the hardest part.  I love to get lost in a good book, but my books nowadays are consisting of textbooks.  It’s a little harder to get caught up in Pentecostal Doctrine than a good Jane Austen or Ted Dekker book.  (Boy those are two authors are the opposite ends of the spectrum, huh?!)

How about you?  What does the beginning of fall look like for you?  And, do you have any ideas for me on how to handle my new workload?

Mara Beth